Day 23- Mommy Guilt

..is when you shout at your almost 2 years old, because she is not sleeping after being in the “put me to sleep” mode for around an hour and a half! Both K and I are not well, and its so difficult to handle an unwell child when you yourself are  not well. She is cranky for no rhyme or reason and I am running high fever and bad cold, and therefore am at my impatient best. I must have shouted at her more than a couple of times today. And the very next moment I feel so guilty, its not her fault, but the situation is so helpless, I have zero patience to tolerate her tantrums. I asked the cook to prepare soup for her, we spread a mat on the bed and I was trying to feed her, when she kicked the bowls and all the soup spilled! Phew! I was so annoyed. The she took almost 2 hours to go to sleep. With her in my laps, she kept demanding songs of her choice for those two hours, I get so tired singing with a bad throat, and my legs had started aching…Man raising kids is just no fun on such days. Infact it is no fun at all. This weather has made life very difficult here. We cannot even step out of our room, where the heater is on 24X7. Rest of the house is freezing! This is the worst winters I have seen here in India in my entire life. It was never so bad earlier. There is no sun altogether for days. I just hope and pray that this painful weather gives way to some good sunny days so that we can at least step out start feeling normal again.

Husband is also tired taking care of a sick wife and child. I am afraid that he does fall sick now. We can not afford that. See you guys tomorrow now, hopefully with better health.

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K Diaries and some more…

Ho, K has slept on time today and that gives me a chance to open this window and type something for future keep.

K is learning new things with every passing day. She can now roll over on her own, though she gets a bit frustrated as she still cannot move forward after turning on her stomach. The newest thing in the list of activities is however quite amusing; she wants to sleep also lying on her stomach. When i try to put her to sleep in the old way of godi mein rakh ke..she slowly slides down my godi over to the bed and rolls over…then depending on her mood she tries to either sleep on her own ( by talking to herself for a while etc)..or expects me to lie besides her and sing to her. Either ways, its easier for me, as godi sleeping is very very tiring for the mommy! Also, sometimes while sleeping she would turn on her stomach on her own and sleep like that. Its so nice to see and observe these little milestones..:)

Yesterday was her first rakshabandhan. We went to the in-laws place where husband and I celebrated it with our respective siblings. We also visited one of my cousins in R K Puram where K toed rakhi to her cousin. All in all a tiring day it was.

These days K has also started enjoying her rocker. This is a fiesher price rocker i bought for her few months back. However, till now she was not very fond of it, but offlate when i put her in the rocker – i see her enjoying her stint there. She tries to eat/ lick her foot thumb and sometimes also tries to jump out of it…:)

All in all its fun to see my 5 months old growing every day…:)…I am amazed sometimes, just few months ago she was this tiny little thing who use to eat, sleep, eat and then sleep some more..and now she is this little monster who is learning new things with every passing day!

K is generally a happy child, there are few moments in the day when she manages to bring a more than broad smile on my face..:) Like when she gets after after a full sleep. She beams with happiness and smiles and laughs the moment she is up…the other day when i put her to feed the moment she woke up, she left her milk and started looking at me smiling- as if saying- are mommy, we did not celebrate my waking up today…:)  such moments make my heart sing…:)..:)

We have also started making her sit with support these days.  All in all right now i am a happy mother…:)

Now that i am at home these days, there are a lot of things going on in my head. Ideas about my future, my marriage, my own self etc etc. I have realized that I have not made many any positive changes in my self for a long long time now. I have been cribbing about things a lot, however i hardly put any efforts to change them.

This also reminds me that i have been wanting to fill K’s record book, and today seems to be a good time to put some more stuff there, Let me finish it.

I finished reading “Those Pricey Thakur Girls” yesterday. i had loved her first book- ” The Zoya Factor”. Her second book was not that great…but TPTG is again a very very refreshing and nice read from Anuja. Set in the 1980s this is a book about Thakur family and its five daughters. A must pick up if you are looking for something light, romantic and humorous.

Also, I finished reading The Last Lecture few days back. Will do a review some other time. point to be noted here is that reading wise i am pretty much on track, as i plan to finish at least 30 books before March 2014.

Any suggestions for any nice rom- com are most welcome…:)

cheers till then…goodnight!