M is for Matrimony (Part I)

M

I have been wanting to write a collection of posts on my encounters from the days of looking for a husband for myself. Its already been four years that I got married; and I have already started forgetting quite a lot of that. Before the memories of those educating days totally vanish from head, I guess I should chronicle them here.

I started searching for a match for myself in 2008. I got married in Feb 2010 after a six months courtship period. Though the period between Jan 2008 and Sep 2009 cannot be considered very long, it was stressful nevertheless. This journey to zero down on a suitable guy with whom you imagine spending rest of your life can be very depressing, scary, en-lighting and funny at the same time.  I will skip the depressing parts and record only those here, which had me wondering; if I am ever going to land up in the married bracket!!

The phoolwallah!

This was around mid 2008. I came across this guy AS (I do remember his name) through a matrimony site. He was a marketing professional and a good one at that. After exchanging few mails with him, I could make out that he knew how to sell himself. Now I have this weird notion, that those who are very good at expressing themselves through words (through ornamental words that is), may need some time to win my trust. Anyway, we exchanged few mails about our hobbies, interests etc and i was still undecided on whether to speak to him over phone and take this ahead or drop it here itself. One fine day while returning from work at around 9 pm; I had a small incident, where my handbag got snatched leaving me with a severely sprained shoulder and few other injuries on my body. I had to take leaves from office and rest for around four weeks. Since my hand was on a sling, I did not check my mails etc for a couple of days. When I did, I saw a couple of mails from this guy AS, frantically inquiring about my well being. I wrote a short mail to him, telling about the incident, and that I may not be able to correspond with him for a few days.

He seemed overly worried and suggested that if he can be of any help and send his friends over etc. I politely refused, assuring him that I had a good support system here and my friends would take care. I had no plans of seeking help from a relatively unknown guy.

I did not check my mails post that for a couple of days. After almost 3 days of this incident and the mail exchange with AS, one day my colleagues from office landed in my PG to check on me. During the conversation they informed me that some guy called X called up office to ask about me! I did not know any X. While I had lost my phone in the snatching; I was pretty sure no friend would call office. Those who cared that much knew alternate ways to contact me. This sounded weird.

Apparently, this Mr X called my office again. I called up the department secy one day when she informed me of the same. She shared with me the number from which the call had come. Out of curiosity, I called this number and discovered that it was AS!!!

When asked why had he called my office, he said that he was very worried and hence looked up the internet to find the board number!! Even after reading my mails??? Since there was no way to contact me, he had called my office under a fake name to get my temporary contact number. Why fake name??? and what was this desperation???  I was totally surprised. He sounded nonchalant about the whole thing.  He had used a fake name to hide his identity, he told me. Why?????  He had no clear answers. I was quite annoyed and gave him a good dressing down. This was the most ridiculous person I had met so far since the time I had started interacting with prospective grooms.

There is still more to the story. The very next day, while standing in the balcony, I saw a teenage boy standing and across the road and staring at our PG constantly. I felt a bit uncomfortable and came inside. Actually, I was a bit scared those days. I somehow had a feeling that the bag snatcher must have been stalking or observing me for sometime before he finally snatched my bag that Tuesday night. Therefore any unusual activity around the PG building was enough to stir up my imagination and scare me.

That very evening, I had a bouquet of flowers delivered at my doorstep. The name of the sender was not there. The delivery guy shared with me the number of the person who had ordered the bouquet. I called up the number and some guy from Chennai picked the call. He started acting funny. When I inquired about the bouquet sternly, he started giving some gyaan on how I will come to know on my own..and its his friend who has sent the flowers. It somehow struck me that this was AS again. I was right! When I called this fellow, he was shameless enough to admit that he had sent the flowers to cheer me up!!! WTF!!

A not so pleasant discussion followed which marked the end to the crazy encounter. Later I came to know that he had got my address from my office. I was absolutely stunned at how weird some people can be. This also made me more careful with respect to the kind of people I interacted with. All in all, it is one of the more strange things happened with me in the journey to matrimony…

Socialising the Mon-Chandler way!

Our social life in Gurgaon sucks. Sucks as in SUCKS big time. When we moved here last year; husband’s best friend from school was staying close by. The guy had a pretty decent entertainment value and we use to meet almost every weekend. In Aug last year, barely 3 months of us moving to Ggn, the couple moved to UK. So we were left with only two friends -one mine and one his in ggn. Given the very low entertainment quotient of my friend and supreme weirdness of his; we practically have only his relatives to socialise with, who stay in Noida and the likes. And given the uncool relatives my dear husband has, we choose to go there only when the situation is unavoidable, or only when it becomes like….”Bhai shaadi ke baad to beta badal gaya..”…

However, this December another of husband’s friend moved to NCR and took up a place in Dwarka. So Dwarka being a closer locality, i felt great..that now at least we would have some social life..(yes we are so a Monica Chandler couple that ways…nobody wants to socialise with us..sob!!)…Given the fact that his parents also moved with him pretty soon, that avenue also kinda got closed for us…Though we did meet up a couple of times..but no significant change in the status!!

Today however, he called in the morning saying that he would be coming to Ggn in the evening, so we can meet. I was totally joyous. Since the guys is really funny, i was really happy that we would have decent Sat evening. To give a background- we that is Husband and me stay in this house and our respective sisters also stay with us. Now no matter how much i like mine and he his; the arrangement is not in the best inetersts of our family (that is the two of us). More on that later. And since its been more thna on eyear that we have been married, and we are really not the “bas tum ho to aur kya chahiye” types….any friends visitors with a decent entertainment value are more than welcome anytime..:)

So the movie plan for the evening was cancelled, as i did not want to exploit both my entertainment options together!!

The maid was asked to leave without cooking dinner as we planned to order from outside. The ghar was re-cleaned and most importantly the spirits were high, that there would be some good laughing etc….until, husband broke the news at around 5:30 PM..L is not coming; he is somewhere in Rajouri, in some pub down with three beers, and cannot make it today!!!

Man, sigh!! We ordered from dominos, had a fight over some silly thing, watched Little Champs on TV and were done for the day….But i really wish to have some people around to hang out with. It gets really boring all akele akele all the time….Does it happen with you guys also, or is it only us who need some added entertainment dozes frequently??

PS: For those who are not watching Little Champs on Zee TV. Please do so. Adnan Sami is a judge and should i say he is just so so cute and charming!! I have a mild crush on him already..:)

the title and me!

Why this title??

Like any  most other girls, i am fond of clothes and shoes. But i have a particular liking towards skirts; in ALL colors and shapes..:) Though i do not claim to be owner of many of them; they still form a good percentage of my wardrobe. Be it the frilly flowing party wears, or the short ones with a lot of gather or the formal pencil skirts; i love them all!! I find skirts one of the most comfortable outfits we have. And the second women wear which i find very interesting is a dupatta. I have a very strong liking towards dupattas too, i love the way a beautiful well chosen dupatta can actually add a lot of weight to an otherwise plain jane salwar kameez. I have a good collection of dupattas and i am yet to find a teaming salwar kameez for them…i love the heavy embroidered phulkari dupattas, the Lucknow style chicken dupattas..even the Fab India cotton and silk ones (which i find overly priced though!!)….

And so the name of this blog….this would be the ME uncut; my thoughts uninhibited and my desires straight from the heart..:)

Life these days

On the up side, i am expecting a job offer this week, not sure how things would turn out, but as of now things look good. I have been looking for a chnage for past 2+ years now; very actively since past one year. If everything goes well; this would be a real good thing happening at the professional front after a real long time.

On the flip side, things are getting worse at the personal end. My dear sister, whoch is almost 27, changed job in Feb this year. She is a smart good looking female and was working in a BPO kind of set up till now. Everything was ok except for the job timings, and when it started taking a toll on her health, she decided to chnage and took up this less paying job, where she is expected to work as a BD executive. We all were happy for her, as she had finally found some direction in her career. However, happiness was quite shortlived as within 20 days of joining she declared (to me) that she is very fond of this guy at work, who is also from our community (but a lower caste) and blah blah. Blah Blah..because, i thought that this is just a passing thing and she is not serious about it. I would like to mention here, that personally i do not believe in caste and creed when it comes to marriage, but unfortunately my father does. He is someone from a very orthodox background when it comes to marriage of his daughters. In March, sister dear went home and declared to parents, that he is the guy she intends to marry!!

No amount of convincing would affect her decision, as i had  a primary concern that the decision had been taken within a month of meeting a guy in office and i am not very sure if the concepot of marriage is very clear in her mind. Father has the caste concern and knowing him and having multiple discusions with him i am convinced that it is not possible to buy him into this.  Sister stays with me, she is hell bent to marry this guy. Father, does not keep a good health, he has suffered depression in past, and is definitely not keeping well these days. Mum is the one who suffers because of all this as dad is very difficult to handle and would not act very mature when it comes to understanding that mum can have different views than his.

I love my dad, i know how much he loves the three of us, and the sacrifices he has made for us. (Would write a separate post on why i am specifying on this. I know all parents love their children and sacrifice for them). More than that mum has not had a vaery easy life. Now at 53, after having her elder daughter married off, when she was looking for a happier old age, sister has suddenly started this stirr in the family where all she is worried about is her well being. She hardly calls my parents these days, and behaves as if they are her biggest enemies, who do not want her to be happy.

I am all for love marriages; but shouldn’t one consider the well being of all stakeholders in such a major decision of life.  These days it is difficult to believe that this is the same sister, who was always so concerned about mum dad.

Overall, one thing i realize, the older you become, life seizes to be easy.