K’s birth story- Part 1(Our journey upto the D Day)

My pregnancy was a pretty smooth one. Except for the first trimester nausea, i sailed through the remaining months smoothly. There were few jolts here and there like sugar levels on higher side etc, but all was manageable.

Since the time i had imagined or wanted a baby, i could never bring myself to terms with a normal delivery. I came to know about epidural, and was a bit relieved that if we have to go the normal way, epidural would come to my rescue. However, deep inside i was still praying that a c- section happens, and i can be relieved of anything remotely related to labor pain. (That C-Sec comes with its own sets of problems was something totally unknown to me!).

My actual due date was around 6th of April, and i was planning to work till 15th March.  We went for a regular checkup on 14th March- with the Doppler scan to our gynae. She checked me physically also, and suggested that water levels are low. (its called amniotic fluid, in which the baby is actually swimming all the time when inside..:). My AFI index- (Amniotic Fluid Index) was on the lower side.

Doc suggested that i take complete rest and we will wait for another week. If the fluid levels do not increase, we will have to go for delivery. How, she did not specify, neither did i ask. Around my 7th month i had already communicated to her that i would want to go for a c-sec, and she had assured me that she will not let me suffer with any pain and would take care. Epidural was what she was referring to. Anyway, we came back home, and i started preparing myself mentally for the big day now!

I applied for one week leave that day and felt a bit weird. I had practically nothing to do. Mails coming on BB, but i was not expected to respond…this sudden change was a bit awkward. However, little did i know that this is just the beginning of the changes i would be up for in the coming days.

 My MIL came to stay with us the next day. She was the one who would be with me after the first few weeks of delivery. On 20th morning, we prepared ourselves for leaving for the hospital as per doc’s appointment.  The doc asked for an ultrasound which reflected that AFI index was further down. So here we were…:) I was to undergo a c-section in another couple of hours. We went back home to collect the kit for preserving cord blood and tissue and headed to the hospital. Calls were made to both side of family and best wishes came form all sides. We reached hospital and the formalities etc started, my doc was yet to arrive and a junior doc there asked me to jot down my details in various forms, when suddenly she calculated the age of the baby inside and said, “but as per this this is just your 32nd week”..!!! Ok, now that was a shocker..here i was sitting outside OT waiting for the child to come out, thinking that i am almost 37 and a half weeks, and suddenly i am pulled back into time with news that was definitely not good. For a moment i went numb!! Then the calculations were done again basis my last missed period, and she corrected herself…Thank God for that!

But the female had decided to screw my happiness for some more time. the anesthetist was called and she again started asking questions about my medical history etc; when i told her that i had a cyst on my spine which was discovered  2 years back and i have the MRI report. This was to give the anesthesia. So this was tricky….with any complication in the spinal cord, the anesthetist was not sure if a spinal anesthesia would work, and GA again is a tricky thing!! Added to this, just few days back i had read a story on the net, how a female had passed away during c sec because of over dose of GA given to her!!! So, this was getting a bit scary…..the optimist that i am, it took me very little time to imagine dying on the operation table and my baby being raised by either set of parents, as i had told husband at some point in time that if something happens to me during childbirth, the baby would be raised by preferably my parents- if not his,,:)….to which ofcourse he had not agreed…but little faith did i have in his abilities..:D

Anyway, it was decided that i would be given a GA and the doc the asked me to remove any rings etc i was wearing. I tried to remove the two rings i had on my fingers, when i discovered that i was all bloated due to weight gain and they would not come out. The staff asked a ward boy to get a cutter so that the rings could be cut and removed.

After waiting for like 15 minutes, two ward boys came, carrying a cutter on their shoulders, about 3 feet in length and not less that 15 kgs!!!! i almost fell off my chair laughing….:D…they had conveniently ignored what the cutter was needed for…and brought a cutter for some major cutting!!…I moved inside OT with both the rings on…:)

The operation started and i am told that K was out at exactly 3: 10 pm…:)

Thats when a new chapter started in our lives, the first few paras of which were too difficult for us to read through!!! K’s first 2-3 months and the much depressing breast feeding saga…

..to be continued!!

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Of house help and inner self..

The initial plan was that once K turns 6 months old , i will join work and opt for a project which allows me to operate from home. the “opt” part needs to be highlighted here, because I was just wishing that luck favors me and i can be with my daughter and still working. Keeping this in mind, I started looking out for a full time maid who would take care of K while i would be busy staring at my laptop or listening to never ending con-calls.

After some searching, we managed to hire a maid who would stay with us from 8 in the morning till 5 30 or so, and would primarily take care of K. Since my plan was to join work from Oct, i thought bringing her on board from Aug itself, as it would give her time to understand the baby, and K would also get use to her. However, man proposes, God disposes happened, and it so happens that i will not be able to operate from home; hence will have to take leaves ( kind of sabbatical) if i wish to look after my baby. So my long leave has started (How long is yet to be decided, but as of now i am at home playing a full time mommy)

So for the past 20 something days Poonam is with us. She is a 14 years old girl, 7th or 8th of her nine siblings, most of whom are girls.  her other 2-3 sisters also look after kids of working moms. She has never been to school and can not read and write. Anyway, that’s material for some other post. Now, since I am at home and plan to be at home in the near future also, Poonam’s role becomes redundant. However, since i have not yet decided on the future course of action, as in whether to keep her or not, these days she generally takes care of the various house chores, involving dusting, helping me with baby’s work, cleaning the far nook and corners of the house, running other such errands etc. Since after all this work also, she has plenty of free time at our place, i asked her to get some books, so that i could teach her basic maths, reading etc. She somehow does not seem to be interested in it, and rather prefers sitting in the balcony and staring at the traffic or sleeping for an hour or so…anyway, after multiple reminders, i have now stopped asking her.

While Poonam’s being around makes my life quite comfortable, as our home is clean and tidy without any peck of dust ALL the time; I do not have to call at shops to deliver stuff; all laundry folding etc is also taken care by her…so I pretty much have nothing major to do. This arrangement does give me lot of luxury, but at the same time, there is something about this system that makes me uncomfortable. Somewhere deep inside every time i ask this girl to do some work, there is a small part of me which feels bad…as in i feel as if I am exploiting this girl…as if i am using my power over her, the power which i have by being economically more sound than her….i mean i am not sure if i am being able to express it, but there is something which just does not feel right.  Yes, i pay her and pay her handsomely, but i feels strange when she asks me while cleaning – “Bhabhi ye cream/ lotion/ earrings etc..fenk doon?” and i tell her to take it for her. My dressing table is full of stuff which i keep buying and never use, and she gets excited when i handover stuff to her which i just want to get rid off.

I have  two other maids also, one cook and a cleaning lady. But surprisingly i have never felt the same way with them. May be because they come only for an hour or so and my interaction with them is very limited. Also, i can and will never have time and energy to do stuff which they do for me that is cleaning and cooking. But Poonam does all that work which till few days back i was doing on my own, and have always been doing myself…may be this is the reason.

I do not want to elaborate through this post the difference between rich and poor etc and how with every passing the day this gap is increasing in our country. But i had never imagined, that such feelings would creep in my mind when my situation forces me to come face to face with such individuals.

Whatever it is, on the face of it..i guess i am not very comfortable facing this huge gap between have and have nots every single day in my home. Though her presence has made my life very comfortable, but i am not very sure for how many more days i will have her around. The reason will always be that since i am at home now hence i do not need anyone else to look after the baby, but deep within i know that along with that i am not very comfortable having a so less privileged person around me all day..who keeps reminding me of the huge gap between us and the other less fortunate beings around.

K ki neend

I have a query. How do mostly people put their 3-4 months to sleep? Are the babies put in the crib and they sleep on their own? Or we are still on with the age old method of rocking and lullaby to put them to sleep? K is 3.5 months and has already developed the habit of sleeping only in my laps. No matter how sleepy or tired she is, she makes it a point to cry loudly when she needs to sleep and the indication is to put her in laps and start rocking. While this is ok for now as i am on leaves, i am not very sure if this would be the best method in the coming days as well.I do plan to buy a crib going forward, that is once i am back in Gurgaon, but not very sure if she would stay put in that.

Pls share your stories, how are you doing it?

On the other front, she has also started sucking her thumb. Now this is a habit i am scared of. Though a cousin of mine says that this is ok as children try to explore the whole world through their mouths, and since she has just discovered her hands, sucking them is ok. But still i am confused….is pacifier an option?  I am not very sure of that also, as generally people are seen discouraging that. Pls share your views, if any mommy happens to read this.

Other than that the little baby is a bundle of joy..:) she smiles and laughs and kicks and makes me love her even more with every passing moment. her grandparents are back from their Euro trip, and have brought few clothes for her. All excited to see her wearing those…:) K has also started interacting a lot…she makes sounds and acknowledges our presence…mum dad are showering their love on her like anything….:)

Just Like that…

As I mentioned before, I am at my Mom’s place since past few months, owing to the little angel we have in our lives now..:) I am staying at parents place for more than  a month after almost 10-12 years. Last when I spent so much time here was before i had ventured out to study further…post that the visits have been only during college holidays and after that only once or twice a year..during diwali/ holi etc.  Things have changed a lot in the past 15 years or so…the other day i was walking on the terrace at late evening and suddenly the power went off. I noted it because the street lights also went off…however, there was no commotion like there use to be years ago. In almost all homes, invertors picked up and i could hardly see any souls on the terrace. This took me back to my school days when the scene after power off use to be very different. Hardly any homes had invertors/ generators…and even if there were ..the battery was saved for late nights…and in the evenings terrace use to be the common adda for all after any power failure incident. The whole colony use to be up on the terrace and hours were spent chatting away to glory… papas discussing political issues, kids playing antakshari…and mommy’s fanning themselves away to sleep. However, things have changed a lot since then; now almost everyone owns a battery backup. Power off means no such commotion and no terrace gatherings. People stay put in their homes..no carrying of folding cots and mosquito nets to the terrace, no chahal pehal at late night hours… It feels like a huge change….these gatherings use to be an integral part of our socializing those days. Many things have actually changed in the last 10-15 years ….the sabziwallah has a mobile, even our gardener who is hardly able to meet ends carries a mobile…and obviously no talking about maids…many of them have two cell phones!!….But i still miss the yesteryear’s terrace interactions….

Baby K Updates- 2 and some more

First thing first- Baby K has been doing a lot since the past few days. She turned 3 months on 20th and is growing with every day. Best part is she recognizes me now..:) she knows that me as the lady who gives milk…:D She cycles with her legs all the time, smiles a lot at the calendar we have in the room and finds her hanging toys the most attractive objects on this earth.  Cries loudly when she needs to sleep, and i guess this is the only bad habit she has as of now…she needs a “godi” to sleep. Either me or mom have to rock her to sleep…which sometimes takes more that 2 hours..:( I have not been able to make her sleep on her own.

Also, this month end I plan to move back to Gurgaon. till now K has been sleeping with me on the bed. However, once back home i am considering of buying a crib. But not very sure if she will be able to adapt to a crib at 4 months of age. I got her a Fisher Price rocker few days back, but unfortunately she has not been enjoying it a lot. She does sits in it for some time- but generally not more than 30-40 minutes at a stretch….so i am not very confident of a crib as well. Any suggestions in this area are welcome.

This is the last month of my stay at mum dad’s place. I have been here since April, when K was not even 1 month old. After school, this is the longest i have stayed here, and needless to say it feels great.  The love and support you get from your parents cannot be matched. mum dad love K like anything, especially her naanu. He has always been fond of kids,  but with K its something special, the other day he said that if it was for the reason that K would be away from her mom; he would have kept her with him and raised her..:) I am wondering how he would cope up once we leave.

I plan to update this place more regularly now. I have enjoyed writing and blogging for quite sometime now. But since last year, this activity was kind of neglected. I badly want to resume it. There is a blog marathon going around. i do not plan to formally be a part of it, but yes, to bring back some discipline to writing i do intend to write everyday for the month of July. Lets see how far i can go….

Socialising the Mon-Chandler way!

Our social life in Gurgaon sucks. Sucks as in SUCKS big time. When we moved here last year; husband’s best friend from school was staying close by. The guy had a pretty decent entertainment value and we use to meet almost every weekend. In Aug last year, barely 3 months of us moving to Ggn, the couple moved to UK. So we were left with only two friends -one mine and one his in ggn. Given the very low entertainment quotient of my friend and supreme weirdness of his; we practically have only his relatives to socialise with, who stay in Noida and the likes. And given the uncool relatives my dear husband has, we choose to go there only when the situation is unavoidable, or only when it becomes like….”Bhai shaadi ke baad to beta badal gaya..”…

However, this December another of husband’s friend moved to NCR and took up a place in Dwarka. So Dwarka being a closer locality, i felt great..that now at least we would have some social life..(yes we are so a Monica Chandler couple that ways…nobody wants to socialise with us..sob!!)…Given the fact that his parents also moved with him pretty soon, that avenue also kinda got closed for us…Though we did meet up a couple of times..but no significant change in the status!!

Today however, he called in the morning saying that he would be coming to Ggn in the evening, so we can meet. I was totally joyous. Since the guys is really funny, i was really happy that we would have decent Sat evening. To give a background- we that is Husband and me stay in this house and our respective sisters also stay with us. Now no matter how much i like mine and he his; the arrangement is not in the best inetersts of our family (that is the two of us). More on that later. And since its been more thna on eyear that we have been married, and we are really not the “bas tum ho to aur kya chahiye” types….any friends visitors with a decent entertainment value are more than welcome anytime..:)

So the movie plan for the evening was cancelled, as i did not want to exploit both my entertainment options together!!

The maid was asked to leave without cooking dinner as we planned to order from outside. The ghar was re-cleaned and most importantly the spirits were high, that there would be some good laughing etc….until, husband broke the news at around 5:30 PM..L is not coming; he is somewhere in Rajouri, in some pub down with three beers, and cannot make it today!!!

Man, sigh!! We ordered from dominos, had a fight over some silly thing, watched Little Champs on TV and were done for the day….But i really wish to have some people around to hang out with. It gets really boring all akele akele all the time….Does it happen with you guys also, or is it only us who need some added entertainment dozes frequently??

PS: For those who are not watching Little Champs on Zee TV. Please do so. Adnan Sami is a judge and should i say he is just so so cute and charming!! I have a mild crush on him already..:)

Guests and washroom!!

How does it feel when you spend a good one hour every weekend to clean your bathroom, scrub it, sani-fresh it, wipe it and then also spend some good 2 minutes (or sometimes more) to just admire the fruits of your hard work and the only week when you are not well and the house is more or less in a mess, husband’s mamiji (known to be the most sugar-coated khadoos female of the family) and mamaji come over almost unannounced..:O..:(..:O

Though i i had heard it many times, but when first time MIL visited us after marriage for the first time last year, one thing (among innumerable others) she very sternly pointed out was that the washroom and kitchen should be two places which should be kept absolutely clean as they reflect how efficient and organized the lady of the house it…Agreed. Washroom and kitchen must be kept clean at all times. Not that before that my kitchen or bathroom were a mess, but i started paying some special attention to the bathroom after that and specially the wash basin and the commode saw a lot of  blue in form of harpic and sanifresh. 

As luck would have it, today morning when mamiji came; the washroom was definitely not in its most presentable form..:(…there were clothes on our bed, as yours truly had just got up and the bed was not yet made…and i was in no mood to tell the guests that the lady of the family that is their bahu that is moi is keeping a bad back since last 10-15 days now…:(..I hate such situations…..i actually work so hard to keep the washroom cleanest and saafest…and the only time when guests come to visit…its not even half as clean..:(