Girlfriends

Some time ago I received a forward on one of my Wassap groups. One of the very few messages floating on these social groups which I instantly loved. I realized that I was nodding to most part of it. Read it. Every line may not be entirely true, but the write up on the whole is so apt.

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear,sober glance upon her daughter.

“Don’t forget your girlfriends,” she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. “They’ll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you’ll have, you are still going to need girlfriends.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that “girlfriends” are not only your friends, but your sisters,your daughters, and other relatives too. You’ll need other women. Women always do.”

‘What a funny piece of advice,’ the young woman thought. ‘Haven’t I just gotten married? Haven’t I just joined the couple-world? I’m now a married woman, for goodness sake! — a grownup. Surely my husband and the family we’ll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!’

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life.

After almost 50 years of living in this world, here is what I’ve learned:

Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don’t call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out. My  mother, sister, sister-in-law, “sisters,” extended family, and friends bless my life!

The world wouldn’t be the same without them, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Today I spoke to my BFF after a long time. She stays in the US with her family. We speak hardly once in a month or so, but whenever we connect the chat is always very fulfilling and satisfying. I cannot but agree 100% with the above write up. With time I have realized that the more you grow old, the more you need a friend with whom you can share anything and everything under the sun, WITHOUT any fear of judgement. One person, in front of whom you can bare it all, without any fears, without any reservations. One who knows your secrets and more importantly knows how to keep them. I met my BFF friend around 10 years back during my first job in Delhi. We were in the same team and worked together for around six months. After which, I moved cities, but we stayed in touch, as time passed our friendship grew stronger. Stronger in the sense, that I can call her anytime of the day and start from precisely what I want to discuss without giving any build up, and I know she would be all ears and she would understand. Even if we are connecting after months. Then she left the country for good, and our phone calls became even rarer. However, the connect was still the same. I could still call her and come straight to the point, and I knew I would be not only heard but understood perfectly too! And this is the part of my life which I simply love! I am so glad and so thankful to God, that I was given an opportunity to forge such a beautiful bond with an individual, who shares my wavelength to such a great degree.

She is my only BFF. I have many other friends, I am really close to quite a few of them, but she is the only one who is my alter ego. I am most comfortable talking to her. Especially with passage of time I have realized the importance of having a female buddy, with whom you share a healthy bond. One who gets you totally, and is nonjudgmental about you, who would empathize with you as you trace the path of womanhood, motherhood, career, family and the various other expectations and demands life has from us women. And as I say this I also need to mention, that I have had some wonderful guy friends. People who have stood by me through thick and thin and been my real support system at times. They are really amazing friends and I am very thankful for that. However, as time passed and I graduated from being a single woman to a mother, I have realized that there are many things, which only a woman can understand, about another woman. No matter how strong your bond is with your husband/ male friends/ relatives, you still need that one woman in your life who you can turn to, for comfort, assurance, help, advice and support in matters of life. I think age also has a lot to do with it. With responsibilities you discover new dimensions and challenges of life and not every time are you equipped to deal with them head on. You need a support system to help you sail through, and your girl friends are a very important part of this support system. They may not always be there to help you physically, but their support and the fact that they know what you going through makes all the difference.

I will ensure, that I pass this wisdom to my daughter and ask her to cherish the friendships with her girlfriends for life.

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Movie Review- Dil Dhadakne Do

I took an off on Wednesday. I had to go for my learning license to RTO office, so I thought that I will complete this work and then will have lunch with husband sans K (leaving her at in-laws place). Second half was reserved for K. However, my work at the RTO office got over in 2 hours and by 10 30 I was out of the office. Impulsively I decided to go for a movie and DDD was the only choice as I am not very fond of English movies. I rushed to the nearest theatre to catch the 11 am show. Ha, after a long time I was going for a movie and that too alone..:)

If I have to just sum up in one line- I would say I liked the movie. Just like any other Zoya Akhtar movie, this too is plan simple story, with subtle messages. It is not as great as ZMD, but its worth a watch. Rather, some parts of the movie can be watched again as well.

Story is about a rich Delhi family, who are too much into pretending things. The business is not doing so well, so the head of the family Mr Mehra decides to organize a cruise for his family and friends to attract people to invest in their company. There are two kids- Ayesha and Kabir played by Priyanka and Ranveer Singh. Everyone is in a tricky stage in life. Ayesha is married to a man whom she has failed to fall in love with. Kabir finds himself a no- fit for taking over father’s business, but is trying to fit in to meet the family expectations and abide by the patriarchal set up. Once aboard the cruise, the Mehra family starts discovering the sides of themselves they were scared to bring to the surface. There are realizations, there are new relationships, up and eventually the family comes out more liberated and happy from the state they embarked this journey with.

The film is smooth, no major ups and down…the story flows naturally covering the entire gamut of Mehras and their brethren. What I liked most about the film is Anil Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. Both of them have come out as the best of the lot. Anil Kapoor has played his part perfectly well and also gets a lot of screen space. Follows him is Priyanka, who is absolutely stunning in her role. Though I did not find her role very convincing but she has portrayed whatever was given to her with full honesty. She definitely is one of the better actors we have today. Ranveer comes a close second. He is like a breath of fresh air in the over pitched dramatic family. His role is well written and is quite well constructed, and he does complete justice to it. However, star for me was Farhan Akhtar, he comes post interval, but his mere presence on the screen lights it up! He is so handsome and so perfect for this role. He plays Priyanka’s ex- flame who is also her dad’s manager’s son, whom she was very close to at some point in her life. After trying to adjust in her arranged marriage with Manav (played by Rahul Bose) she realizes that while she is clearly unhappy with him, she still has feelings for her ex, who onboards the cruise midway. I liked the chemistry between Farhan and Priyanka. Their scenes together are too good. Both look very convincing playing their characters. The whole movie infact is on the similar lines as ZNMD- how we are conditioned to “fit” into the pre decided roles in the society we are expected to play, never taking in to consideration our own happiness. In ZNMD it was told through a story of three friends discovering what truly gives them happiness and peace- here its more direct. A son being the name bearer of the family, patriarchal structure expecting women to live in whatever shit they may face after marriage, women expected to give in and not question, men supposed to take up the family business ahead even when they have zero aptitude for it (and the deserving daughter being ignored, even though she is the one with business acumen) ..etc.

While all the characters are written convincingly, I could not reconcile Ayesha aka Priyanka’s character. She is shown to be a business woman, a self-made at that. She has her name in Forbes top 50 list etc, but her traits which she displays within her family, are quite submissive and that of a non-confronter. I mean why would someone who is financially independent and capable, take so long to discover that the husband is an ass hole and needs to be shown the door right away! I may be wrong in my assessment, but in my mind I could not add up her personality traits.

Also, the writers could have been more liberal towards the end, by showing that Neelam-aka Mrs Mehra, finally decides to leave her husband- her rich successful husband, who she knows has been blatantly cheating on her. The end was kept to please the larger audience I guess.

Overall, it is a good movie. Worth watching.

I would give it 3.5/ 5…:)

And did I tell you, I am in love with this song…