I was thinking of writing a post here from a long time, and what better topic than motherhood to start with. Being a 4.5 months old mom, i think i have enough material now with me to make a post or two from my personal experiences and learning as a mother so far.
One of husband’s very close friends were also expecting with us. There baby was born one month after K. I have never been very fond of the female that is husband’s friend’s wife. However, husband and this guy being really close and childhood friends, we use to hang out together very often. Therefore, when they also had a daughter in April, subtle form of comparisons started. I would lie if i say that that this streak of comparing my daughter with theirs did not hit me at all…but i did not waste too much time before realizing that i was doing no good to me or my baby by doing so. However, unfortunately, i was (and am) still interacting with the said female very often…and what i have noticed so far is that- people live their whole lives in comparison. They compare themselves to others all the time, their success to others’all the time and the worst comes when they get on a spree to compare their children. In my case, this female, calls me and starts talking about her daughter’s milestones and her activities to no end… In normal scenario i love such conversations since I am also a first time mother and discussion such stuff normally helps me. However, when all such conversations are done with the intention to elicit information from me and then do random comparisons like how tall is your daughter?..are, she is taking formula…?..she is still not able to roll over….etc etc…it just pisses me off to no end. One thing which i definitely not want to do with my baby is, comparing her to others and ruin her as well as my happiness and peace of mind. Every child is unique and for the best development of a baby, its very very essential that parents tattoo this on each others forehead so that they never ever forget this very essential element of raising up kids. Unfortunately parents play a very negative role here, by comparing their babies to others’right from the day they are conceived. How much does your baby weigh?…what were the scan results like..?…mine was a normal delivery…we chose to go the normal way…urs was c section??…my baby has already started smiling…what about K? …..I so hate such silly comparisons. My journey till now has taught me to stay away from such females as much as possible. Let them bask in the glory of their child’s achievement. But i would certainly not let anyone affect my peace of mind by any useless comparisons where we are dragged causing only stress and nothing else.
Slowly i am learning this art of ignoring people or diverting the conversation when mothers start to take the whole discussion to a whole new low, by getting the “competition”/ “comparison” bit in it. I either change the topic politely, or just ignore it and flush it out of my head as soon as possible.
Lesson learnt is- that do what you feel is right for your baby, and do not get affected by such discussion which unnecessarily force you to stress yourself needlessly over your baby’s growth patterns- now and always. The agenda is to raise a happy child who is emotionally secure and is confident of his/ her abilities, who does not take others success as his own failure and lives a life in absolute terms rather than always in relation to others.
PS: Dear K, always remember that you are a very unique and special individual and will always be. You have to make a good life for yourself and that is a life in which you are happy and content. Your inner happiness is the only measure of how successful your life is…in your eyes. Always remember that life is not lived in “relative” terms. It is always absolute with no comparison with others. Always be cognizant of the difference between healthy competition and mindless comparison and while the latter may bother you many a times in your life, the sooner you become oblivious to it, the happier you will be with yourself.